California is facing a deluge of unwelcome foreigners. Originally hailing from faraway lands, these invaders pollute the streets, destroy property, and compete with native residents for limited space and resources. Many generations after their forebears came to this land, their California-born descendants remain a damaging and unwelcome nuisance. Though some misguided fools seem to think that California should shelter them despite their manifest unfitness to reside here, it is evident that the government should make an active effort to remove them with utmost haste.
The invaders in question are, of course, Eucalyptus trees. Originally brought to California in the late 1800s, these trees are invasive, messy, and damaging.
For one thing, eucalyptuses constitute a significant fire hazard. Compared to native trees like the coast live oak and the California bay laurel, an acre of eucalyptuses produces 1.5 to 3 times as much flammable biomass. The fire risk from eucalyptuses is not purely theoretical. In the 1991 Oakland "Tunnel" Fire, it's estimated that 70% of the fire's energy came from eucalyptuses. Beyond their sheer flammable mass, eucalyptuses are also more susceptible to fires as their oily, flammable leaves and bark can easily transform an errant spark into a furious blaze.
The eucalyptus is also an annoyance beyond its fire risk. Anyone who's been near a eucalyptus can attest that they shed massive amounts of bark, which often fall in chunks that be up to three feet long and several inches thick. In comparison to other trees' sheddings, which can usually be removed by sweeping or blowing, eucalyptus bark is so heavy and bulky that it usually needs to be picked up by hand. This task is sufficiently annoying that most gardeners and other landscape caretakers tend not to bother removing them, allowing eucalyptus bark to pile up. Given their size and quantity, they can clog up storm drains and cause flooding. Eucalyptuses can also pose a danger to street sweepers, as their large, unwieldy bark can get stuck in a sweeper's intake and cause blockages when swept up.
Outside of fire season and in settled areas that are less prone to wildfires, eucalyptuses are still a menace due to the damage they can cause when falling. Unlike the coast live oak, which grows lower to the ground with many limbs growing out from its base, eucalyptuses tend to grow a few thick limbs that grow straight up and can reach past 100 feet. As everyone learned in middle school physics, if they weren't distracted by thoughts of Pokémon and Pop Rocks, greater height and mass creates more mechanical leverage. This means high winds have an easier time knocking over eucalyptuses compared to shorter growing native species. And when eucalyptuses do fall, they fall further, endangering more lives and property. Dozens of eucalyptuses fell during the high winds of March 2023, destroying houses, cars, power lines, and knocking out Caltrain service. Whereas the coast live oak and other short-growing native trees can have limbs selectively removed to reduce the risk posed to infrastructure, the eucalyptus's monolithic growth profile makes risk reduction via selective pruning basically impossible. You can either take the whole tree down or pray the wind knocks it over in the least harmful direction
So eucalyptuses suck. But what can be done about it? In an ideal world, the state of California could implement a grant program to fund local initiatives to remove eucalyptuses and replace them with native tree species like the aforementioned coast live oak, redwood, or buckeye.
Unfortunately, this is a horrible, fallen world where CEQA continues to exist. So the literal tree-hugging nudists can rest peacefully knowing that their filthy, fire-prone Australian imports will continue menacing Californians and their homes for generations to come.